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“Yes, and you remember how Papa in his blue overcoat fired a gun in the porch?”
So they went through their memories, smiling with pleasure: not the sad memories of old age, but poetic, youthful ones—those impressions of one’s most distant past in which dreams and realities blend—and they laughed with quiet enjoyment.
Snya, as always, did not quite keep pace with them, though they shared the same reminiscences.
Much that they remembered had slipped from her mind, and what she recalled did not arouse the same poetic feeling as they experienced. She simply enjoyed their pleasure and tried to fit in with it.
She only really took part when they recalled Snya’s first arrival. She told them how afraid she had been of Nicholas because he had on a corded jacket and her nurse had told her that she, too, would be sewn up with cords.
“And I remember their telling me that you had been born under a cabbage,” said Natsha, “and I remember that I dared not disbelieve it then, but knew that it was not true, and I felt so uncomfortable.”
While they were talking a maid thrust her head in at the other door of the sitting room.
“They have brought the cock, Miss,” she said in a whisper.
“It isn’t wanted, Plya. Tell them to take it away,” replied Natsha.
In the middle of their talk in the sitting room, Dimmler came in and went up to the harp that stood there in a corner. He took off its cloth covering, and the harp gave out a jarring sound.
“Mr. Dimmler, please play my favorite nocturne by Field,” came the old countess’ voice from the drawing room.
Dimmler struck a chord and, turning to Natsha, Nicholas, and Snya, remarked: “How quiet you young people are!”
“Yes, we’re philosophizing,” said Natsha, glancing round for a moment and then continuing the conversation. They were now discussing dreams.
Dimmler began to play; Natsha went on tiptoe noiselessly to the table, took up a candle, carried it out, and returned, seating herself quietly in her former place. It was dark in the room especially where they were sitting on the sofa, but through the big windows the silvery light of the full moon fell on the floor. Dimmler had finished the piece but still sat softly running his fingers over the strings, evidently uncertain whether to stop or to play something else.
“Do you know,” said Natsha in a whisper, moving closer to Nicholas and Snya, “that when one goes on and on recalling memories, one at last begins to remember what happened before one was in the world....”
“That is metempsychosis,” said Snya, who had always learned well, and remembered everything. “The Egyptians believed that our souls have lived in animals, and will go back into animals again.”
“No, I don’t believe we ever were in animals,” said Natsha, still in a whisper though the music had ceased. “But I am certain that we were angels somewhere there, and have been here, and that is why we remember....”
“May I join you?” said Dimmler who had come up quietly, and he sat down by them.
“If we have been angels, why have we fallen lower?” said Nicholas. “No, that can’t be!”
“Not lower, who said we were lower?... How do I know what I was before?” Natsha rejoined with conviction. “The soul is immortal—well then, if I shall always live I must have lived before, lived for a whole eternity.”
“Yes, but it is hard for us to imagine eternity,” remarked Dimmler, who had joined the young folk with a mildly condescending smile but now spoke as quietly and seriously as they.
“Why is it hard to imagine eternity?” said Natsha. “It is now today, and it will be tomorrow, and always; and there was yesterday, and the day before....”
“Natsha! Now it’s your turn. Sing me something,” they heard the countess say. “Why are you sitting there like conspirators?”
“Mamma, I don’t at all want to,” replied Natsha, but all the same she rose.
None of them, not even the middle-aged Dimmler, wanted to break off their conversation and quit that corner in the sitting room, but Natsha got up and Nicholas sat down at the clavichord. Standing as usual in the middle of the hall and choosing the place where the resonance was best, Natsha began to sing her mother’s favorite song.
She had said she did not want to sing, but it was long since she had sung, and long before she again sang, as she did that evening. The count, from his study where he was talking to Mtenka, heard her and, like a schoolboy in a hurry to run out to play, blundered in his talk while giving orders to the steward, and at last stopped, while Mtenka stood in front of him also listening and smiling. Nicholas did not take his eyes off his sister and drew breath in time with her. Snya, as she listened, thought of the immense difference there was between herself and her friend, and how impossible it was for her to be anything like as bewitching as her cousin. The old countess sat with a blissful yet sad smile and with tears in her eyes, occasionally shaking her head. She thought of Natsha and of her own youth, and of how there was something unnatural and dreadful in this impending marriage of Natsha and Prince Andrew.
Dimmler, who had seated himself beside the countess, listened with closed eyes.
“Ah, Countess,” he said at last, “that’s a European talent, she has nothing to learn—what softness, tenderness, and strength....”
“Ah, how afraid I am for her, how afraid I am!” said the countess, not realizing to whom she was speaking. Her maternal instinct told her that Natsha had too much of something, and that because of this she would not be happy. Before Natsha had finished singing, fourteen-year-old Ptya rushed in delightedly, to say that some mummers had arrived.
Natsha stopped abruptly.
“Idiot!” she screamed at her brother and, running to a chair, threw herself on it, sobbing so violently that she could not stop for a long time.
“It’s nothing, Mamma, really it’s nothing; only Ptya startled me,” she said, trying to smile, but her tears still flowed and sobs still choked her.
The mummers (some of the house serfs) dressed up as bears, Turks, innkeepers, and ladies—frightening and funny—bringing in with them the cold from outside and a feeling of gaiety, crowded, at first timidly, into the anteroom, then hiding behind one another they pushed into the ballroom where, shyly at first and then more and more merrily and heartily, they started singing, dancing, and playing Christmas games. The countess, when she had identified them and laughed at their costumes, went into the drawing room. The count sat in the ballroom, smiling radiantly and applauding the players. The young people had disappeared.